Chantal Biya: Cameroon’s next head of state? ¹

Senior Cameroon government officials, traditional rulers, political scientists, lawyers, economists, sociologists, and other prominent academics recently participated in a scientific symposium on the charity works of Chantal Biya, the wife of the President of the Republic of Cameroon.

Cameroon Concord News reporters were prevented from covering the conference that held at that Soa campus of the University of Yaoundé 2. Renowned Francophone Beti-Ewondo academics reportedly struggled for 3 days to have a thoughtful key to understanding the charity works of the first lady of Cameroon, Chantal Biya.

Cat calls from the civil society greeted the conference but it had to go ahead as the husband to the lady in question firmly holds the bar and controls all state apparatus in a country whose predominantly young population aspire to nothing.

Minister Fame Ndongo and a sea of pro Chantal Biya comedians moved that an honorary doctorate be given to the wife of the 83 year old dictator, President Paul Biya, the so-called “father of the nation.” The scientific symposium spent the sum of 65 million CFA francs collected from the public treasury in Yaoundé.

On the second day of the symposium, the participants announced the birth of a new philosophical doctrine in Cameroon called le “Chantalisme Biyayiste”. Our editorial board invoked the power of Google translate but could not still get the meaning of what the Yaoundes are saying within this new CPDM discourse of  the Chantalisme Biyayiste.

Our senior political commentator observed that it was the birth of a new personality cult that will drive the nation to a civil war. Schools and colleges in Cameroon will henceforth by studying “Chantalistes Biyayistes”.

At the end of the panel discussions, the “intellectuals” agreed to propose to the Cameroon government to design a legal status for the first lady. If the recommendation is adopted, the proposal will then be sent to parliament for a constitutional amendment. So, Chantal Biya is definitely Cameroon’s next head of state.

By Soter Tarh Agbaw-Ebai